Confusions about what to say are complicated by uncertainties about when to say it. What might feel like a missed opportunity to communicate an idea to a larger audience might also be a matter of making sure the audience was prepared to hear those messages. Interviews are under the control of the guy or gal at the microphone. They field the call-in questions and massage the query before handing it over to the guest. Generous and gentle guests, whose voices are luxuriantly sonorous even over hundreds of transmitted miles, will accept the question as posed. Other guests who are more politically adept will deflect and reshape the original question so they can push their pre-determined message by pretending to respond to the caller. Only rarely does the interviewee chastise the host for asking questions he would never ask of himself. Such are the privileges of living every waking moment thinking about language and being celebrated for every syllable, pause and throat-clearing.
There are situations where I suspect that pushing an agenda would not have much of an effect. For example, as much as I or someone else might like to highlight the inequities in educational opportunity and attempt to advance a reform that seeks to be more inclusive rather than selective, the truth (as I know it) is that not everyone is ready for that type of exchange. As an instructor, I have the time and power within a course to move my audience along over multiple episodes. I am not restricted to a single broadcast. I can even press the audience members to influence each other. The other day, a student asked why I insisted that the class used a theory to structure their research. I called on another student to describe the first time she drove to her urban high school field placement (she had shared this story in an assignment). I used her impressions of the situation to illustrate how her “theory” influence how she interpreted what she saw and heard and felt on that day. Thus, I can prepare my audience to hear the messages. Plus, I recognize that I have more than one shot to make this happen.
I made an appointment with a colleague to have coffee and to work through an issue he had unknowingly created that was producing challenges for interns placed in the school where he had done some consulting. I went to his office and he had to fax something before we trekked to the coffee shop. I hadn
’t told him why we were meeting and I wondered if he suspected something that wasn’t too good. I offered to walk with him down to the fax machine and politely asked how he was doing. He was non-committal but asked if I would hold his hand as we walked down the hall. He grinned and I declined. But I was not attuned to what he wanted me to hear. I was so intent upon steering the conversation so I could smooth things out for my interns. In fact, he and I came up with a simple remedy. Turns out, he needed to talk to someone about challenges he was facing at home. Luckily, I was in no rush and was open to hearing him out.
He shared how is son was undergoing cognitive and psychological tests. I’d heard stories of the boy’s fascination with science and math, but also knew the routines of a primary grade classroom (e.g., phonics worksheets) were a source of frustration. As I expected, the child did very well on the cognitive tests (something like the 98-%ile). But his non-cognitive self was showing developmental issues including very poor fine motor skills and behaviors that were on the “autistic spectrum” for his age. His adopted father, my colleague, shared that there were indications of fetal alcohol syndrome that might have contributed. The good news is that they have located a therapeutic regimen that will help the family through the next 2 or 3 years and get everything on track. But those demands will prevent dad from continuing his pursuit of interesting school reform efforts that were just beginning to gain traction. We commiserated about the luxury of having resources (e.g., experts, dollars and the time) to give the child what he needed. Nevertheless, the restrictions this places on dad, who is struggling to be happily productive, remain.
Here then is an example where it just happened I was ready to listen at the time my pal was ready to speak. It was not a magically intuitive act on my part. I had no sense that there were issues needing to be shared. Further, I was caught off-guard by the privilege of being a worthy recipient of this information. In retrospect, even though there is usually a zone of physical detachment I would never cross, perhaps a held hand was exactly what he needed -- if only metaphorically. Meanwhile, maybe it is wise to determine in advance what messages should be widely broadcast. And yet lamenting what should have been said might need to be balanced against the possibility that a particular forum was not the best one for sharing one’s deepest ambitions. Still such an experience reinforces strength with which those beliefs are held. Because there is much greater likelihood that another opportunity will present itself, it is all but certain that in time others will hear what was not fully revealed last Friday. I plan to be nearby and especially attentive when that moment arrives.
There are situations where I suspect that pushing an agenda would not have much of an effect. For example, as much as I or someone else might like to highlight the inequities in educational opportunity and attempt to advance a reform that seeks to be more inclusive rather than selective, the truth (as I know it) is that not everyone is ready for that type of exchange. As an instructor, I have the time and power within a course to move my audience along over multiple episodes. I am not restricted to a single broadcast. I can even press the audience members to influence each other. The other day, a student asked why I insisted that the class used a theory to structure their research. I called on another student to describe the first time she drove to her urban high school field placement (she had shared this story in an assignment). I used her impressions of the situation to illustrate how her “theory” influence how she interpreted what she saw and heard and felt on that day. Thus, I can prepare my audience to hear the messages. Plus, I recognize that I have more than one shot to make this happen.
I made an appointment with a colleague to have coffee and to work through an issue he had unknowingly created that was producing challenges for interns placed in the school where he had done some consulting. I went to his office and he had to fax something before we trekked to the coffee shop. I hadn
’t told him why we were meeting and I wondered if he suspected something that wasn’t too good. I offered to walk with him down to the fax machine and politely asked how he was doing. He was non-committal but asked if I would hold his hand as we walked down the hall. He grinned and I declined. But I was not attuned to what he wanted me to hear. I was so intent upon steering the conversation so I could smooth things out for my interns. In fact, he and I came up with a simple remedy. Turns out, he needed to talk to someone about challenges he was facing at home. Luckily, I was in no rush and was open to hearing him out.He shared how is son was undergoing cognitive and psychological tests. I’d heard stories of the boy’s fascination with science and math, but also knew the routines of a primary grade classroom (e.g., phonics worksheets) were a source of frustration. As I expected, the child did very well on the cognitive tests (something like the 98-%ile). But his non-cognitive self was showing developmental issues including very poor fine motor skills and behaviors that were on the “autistic spectrum” for his age. His adopted father, my colleague, shared that there were indications of fetal alcohol syndrome that might have contributed. The good news is that they have located a therapeutic regimen that will help the family through the next 2 or 3 years and get everything on track. But those demands will prevent dad from continuing his pursuit of interesting school reform efforts that were just beginning to gain traction. We commiserated about the luxury of having resources (e.g., experts, dollars and the time) to give the child what he needed. Nevertheless, the restrictions this places on dad, who is struggling to be happily productive, remain.
Here then is an example where it just happened I was ready to listen at the time my pal was ready to speak. It was not a magically intuitive act on my part. I had no sense that there were issues needing to be shared. Further, I was caught off-guard by the privilege of being a worthy recipient of this information. In retrospect, even though there is usually a zone of physical detachment I would never cross, perhaps a held hand was exactly what he needed -- if only metaphorically. Meanwhile, maybe it is wise to determine in advance what messages should be widely broadcast. And yet lamenting what should have been said might need to be balanced against the possibility that a particular forum was not the best one for sharing one’s deepest ambitions. Still such an experience reinforces strength with which those beliefs are held. Because there is much greater likelihood that another opportunity will present itself, it is all but certain that in time others will hear what was not fully revealed last Friday. I plan to be nearby and especially attentive when that moment arrives.
