what you should do

After removing the outrageous conference registration fee from my travel reimbursement form, my last jaunt before my sabbatical ended cost exactly $1000. Well, maybe more but I can't claim alcohol and dispose of those receipts before anyone gets wise to those charges. As others have very eloquently noted, the camaraderie and revelations that arose from this trip make the excursion worth every minute and penny. A particular portion has moved me to think about what drives some of us in our work, to-wit:

May we celebrate the gardeners of hope,
that sow seeds of promise,
that commit their dreams to the development of the potential of others,
and breed possibility.

Soaking in the coffee shop afterglow of the third Crossroads, the moment when I believe we really hit our stride, someone was a little hasty in offering some advice for future meetings. In particular, I realized how adverse I have become to comments directed at me that begin with, "You know what you should do?" One reason this irritates me is that I am very sure about the many things I should do.

• I should be more generous toward family members.
• I should stop creating excuses for avoiding the necessary (e.g., straightening the basement).
• I should avoid sweets.
  
• I should be more attentive in the moment rather than discover later just how great it was.
• I should be careful about mockery that I mean to be funny but might seem cruel and/or offensive.
• I should complete important and enduring tasks before detouring into foolish follies.

Suffice it to say, I feel I have burdened myself sufficiently with "should do's" without needing for someone else who is less circumspect to add to my teetering heap of inadequacies. There is the gospel about taking care of your own problems rather than pointing out the flaws in others. But now, I can look back on this scene without having it filtered through red fury. It all comes down to punctuation.

I'm not as generous as Zero can be about assuming good intentions in others. Hell, I even refuse to engage in problem-solving with callers when they mistakenly dial my phone. I just say, "Nope, wrong number" and disconnect. Certainly there are many who game the system for personal gain. Professionally, such individuals provide a tepid offering to the research community so as to bilk their employer for travel funds. But, without invoking deficit thinking, I doubt there are many who really know what to do. Or maybe it would be more accurate to suggest that they are unsure why they might. They do without a sense about why. Or they do and there is not even a subconscious why involved. There is to try. There is to do since there is no try. But then there is to do because one should, for reasons one knows without being fully aware.

Here now is my new form of advice. Maybe it's a slide in a future presentation:

You know what you should do?
versus
You know what you should do.

That is pretty much what I have to offer. I don't know much about the possibilities of science for children with autism. I don't understand hermeneutics nor can I begin to appreciate what is required to persist when the system is designed to push me out. What I can do is recognize in others what I believe reveals itself on occasion to me. And that is the ability to know what the right thing is to do and then to act accordingly. I lack the wisdom to offer guidance beyond listening to the circumstances, asking questions to bring options to the surface, and then granting my support to whatever choice you know is the right one. I know what I should do and you know what you should do. All I know is how great it can be when those who know what is right decide to follow that voice.